Why Talk About My “Problem”?

Why set up a website that broadcasts my problem?

To get it off my chest. To offer something I couldn't find. To reach out.

Every stage of having kids brings different challenges. Challenges I often considered unique to me: from research to acquisition to logistical set backs. It would have been nice to know I wasn't alone in the craziness of it all and that it wasn't as easy as buying a motorbike.

But blokes don't chat. A mate set up a WhatsApp group called "unlikely dads". Regardless of his thoughts of me and the rest of his overachieving contact list, I was delighted to be part of a gang. Same reason I joined a "new parents" club called NCT. But the group sat dormant for weeks, then months. Nobody contributed. I tried to be funny to gain popularity, turns out my wife was right all along. It's never funny if you're trying too hard for laughs. I should stick to being sincere.

So what did I want to chat about? Anything actually. Who else has a bit of PTSD from the first few weeks? Anyone else sick of waking up and doing the same shit, different day? When can I expect my lad to get his first hard on?! Not all my musing was so shallow but questions like those usually lead on to deeper conversations in the pub. Laughter, pints, companionship. God I missed the pub. Not as much as I missed seeing people though (my first was born at the beginning of the Covid pandemic and the first instance of “lockdown” in my country).

There's a huge empty space on the internet where information and experiences should be shared for people going through the infertility, pregnancy, new born and toddler rollercoaster. Especially from a bloke's perspective. I found that people who know nothing about it don't know what to ask. So this is for them too, even if they're happy not chasing a 2 year old with toddler poo streaming down his legs. Good on you for wanting to know more about what your friends are going through.

So here's me getting it all off my chest, offering some solidarity with all new parents and reaching out to tell you it's ok. It's all going to be ok.